


Senior Superlatives

by gladdecease



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Crack, Fangirls, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-11
Updated: 2007-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 16:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gladdecease/pseuds/gladdecease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The yearbook club calls down Our Beloved Protagonists for superlative photos.  You get three guesses for who won "Best Looking," and the first two don't count.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Senior Superlatives

**Author's Note:**

> No challenge; pure crack. Last night I suddenly came up with the thought of those perverse senior boys discussing who would look best in a dress. The original idea was quickly lost (in it, Yuki won for best looking guy _and_ girl), but this eventually came of it.

The Student Council, in agreeing to run the school, agrees to assist any clubs that needs help. Usually, it is a minimal effort needed - so long as there are no troublemakers in the club, they generally run themselves.

Not so on this day. This day, the yearbook needed desperate help tallying votes for the "Senior Superlatives," and went to Student Council for help.

No willing volunteers were to be found, so each member of the Council volunteered their services. If by "volunteered" you mean "chopped across the head by the Vice President until he agreed to come," then you can say that even Naohito volunteered.

This is how Yuki found himself sitting in an uncomfortable school chair, reading the horrible handwriting of his classmates and deciphering which students they meant for each category. Off to the side, Naohito grumbled about the handwriting of one particular student, who had not even been so kind as to put last names with their responses. Kakeru was sleeping on the one he was marking (the _only_ one he had marked at all), Kimi had flirted her way out of the job, and Machi was diligently doing her work, going quickly through response after response.

Yuki wondered how she could stand it. The work was so... tedious.

The yearbook committee came in regularly and thanked the Student Council for their help; so frequently that Yuki wondered how they had so much time to come in and thank them if they were so busy that they needed said help.

Finally, it was done, and the yearbook committee was allowed to tally up all the numbers.

The next day, an announcement came on at the beginning of third class, asking for the yearbook staff to come to their room. A few minutes later, phone calls went around to individual rooms for the seniors, and those students chosen as "superlative" students were asked to come down to get their pictures taken.

"Sohma, Honda, Sohma, Hanajima, Uotani." Mayuko grabbed the attention of five of her students. "You're to go down to the superlative pictures."

"Knock 'em dead, Kyon!"

"Shut up, you two."

The five left the classroom, walking side by side.

Tohru was wide-eyed. "Oh goodness! To think I was voted Most Something - I wonder what it could be? It's such an honor!"

Uotani strung an arm over Tohru's shoulder, and the other over Hanajima's. "Maybe we're Best Friends, huh?"

"Or maybe you're Most Violent," Kyo muttered.

"Look who's talking!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

As Kyo and Arisa continued to squabble, Hanajima glanced at Yuki, who appeared lost in thought. "It's clear why Yuki and Kyo would be chosen - with all those fangirls, they might have won every category between the two of them."

"Ah! Do you really think so, Hana-chan?"

"I suppose we'll see now, won't we?"

Inside the yearbook room were a number of students that the five of them knew, and a number they didn't. When the door opened, those people glanced over to see who had arrived.

Chaos ensued.

Most of the girls swooned at the sight of Yuki. Most of those who didn't swoon at the sight of Yuki swooned at the sight of Kyo. Manabe Kakeru, who was in the middle of describing the School Defense Force to a would-be President in the coming year, broke off and jumped at Yuki, crying "Yun~yun~" in such a tone that Yuki was sure this nickname would never leave him. Toudou Kimi echoed the nickname, smiling flirtatiously in his direction so obviously that the Yuki fangirls woke from their swoon just to glare death rays at her. Tohru looked around, extremely confused, as the girls turned their glare to her, standing between Kyo and Yuki.

 _The poor yearbook committee_ , Yuki thought.

"Alright - now that everyone is here, we can start off the pictures." A small girl with a clipboard stepped forward. "When your name is called, please step to the front of the room (where your picture will be taken) and make sure to pose in such a way that the category you won for is clear. For example, best friends should act in a friendly way, nicest should look nice, loudest should be mid-shout, and so on.

"First up is Best Looking. For the girls: Toudou Kimi-san. For the guys... ah, we actually had a complete tie. Sohma Kyo-kun and Sohma Yuki-kun, please stand with Toudou-san."

The dark glares turned back to Kimi twofold, as she became the one surrounded on either side by the Sohma boys.

Kimi, as usual, enjoyed the attention. Yuki and Kyo rather wished they weren't there.

"Um, now we have best friends. For the girls: Honda Tohru-san, Uotani Arisa-san, Hanajima Saki-san. For the guys: Manabe Kakeru-kun and Sohma Yuki-kun."

_What?!_

"Yun! Did you hear that?" And Yuki was attacked from behind by the one, the only, hyperactive Vice-President Manabe Kakeru. Tohru was shocked at the discovery that she and her best friends had been voted, out of the entire school population, Best Friends, and was very flustered as she got in her pose - she was in the center, hugged from behind on either side by Hanajima and Uotani, all three smiling at the camera.

Yuki struggled to get Kakeru off his back, and finally succeeded. They got into position (Yuki pissed off, Kakeru thrilled), and just before the picture was taken, Kakeru commented:

"Though I suppose it doesn't quite fit for us to be the best guy friends, seeing that you're really a girl. Am I right, Yun-yun?"

Yuki's hand was at his throat immediately. "What was that, you bastard?"

"Y-Yuki-kun!"

"Hey, nice job!"

The camera flashed, and the picture for best friends showed the boys strangling each other, while one girl panicked, another was impressed, and the third smiled calmly at the camera.

The yearbook girl looked like she was about to say something, but gave up.

And so the pictures continued, with the "Loudest" category won by Kyo and Uotani. "Most Unusual" was won by Hanajima and Kakeru. And there were many more, but we're really only focusing on our protagonists here, aren't we? And some of the lesser (but still named) characters.

At long last, they reached the end of the Superlatives. Kyo was twitchy; he hadn't been in any since "Loudest," and had since learned that watching people have their pictures taken was boring as hell.

"Last is Cutest Couple..." All the oxygen in the room seemed to disappear, as each fangirl fervently hoped that it would be her name read alongside her idol's.

"Honda Tohru-san and Sohma-Kyo-kun."

 ** _Death_** to Honda Tohru. Slow and painful.

It was almost impossible to notice their blood lust, but Tohru was quite caught up in her own shock. Kyo was all but brain dead, mainly because he had just been associated with the word "cute."

The couple was eventually dragged in front of the camera, where they only calmed down when holding hands. They smiled at each other, forgetting where they were until the camera flashed again.

Half of the girls present were won over by the scene, and wished a painless death on Honda Tohru instead. Or maybe a lifetime in a coma.

Fangirling is a serious business, after all.


End file.
